my son was arrested

[kittenclaws]

:cry: my son was arrested for criminal damage thismorning at 3.30am, i have spent the day at the police station and he has now been bailed to appear back at the station om monday 22/1/07, they have said they are not giveing him a caution as him and his friend caused so much damage to the residential home they are staying at so he is to appear at juvinile court on wednesday 24/1/07

i feel sick with worry and everytime i try to talk to him i get a shower of abuse he told me tonight on the phone tp go f*** myself and to die and he sais he wants to kick my head in, :cry: him and his friend, flooded the place, started a fire, pulled doors off hinges, smashed eggs etc in the lounge, the list goes on and on
i realy am now past the point whare i can think rationaly about him anymore, he frightens me, what do i do for the best?????????????
i wish i had known kids could be so hard

 

[CadenceAlex]

Tough one - but at least you're not saying 'he didn't do it... it wasn't him' etc etc

I suppose he will grow out of it. I know that's not much good, but you wont make him see sense. He will have to see it for himself.

Try not to get too stressed, and hope that the juvi court gives him a punishment that deters him from doing anything else. :hug:

 

[kittenclaws]

.

Try not to get too stressed, and hope that the juvi court gives him a punishment that deters him from doing anything else. :hug:

this is what i am hopeing, im glad he didnt just get a slap on the wrist,

 

[oey]

O hun :hug:

You have had a tough time with him, at least now they will try and give him the help and support he needs.

You have done all you can.

 

[Cathie!]

This might sound hard, but maybe a stint in a detention centre will make him realise he isn't as hard as he thought he was.

 

[Teri]

:cry: my son was arrested for criminal damage thismorning at 3.30am, i have spent the day at the police station and he has now been bailed to appear back at the station om monday 22/1/07, they have said they are not giveing him a caution as him and his friend caused so much damage to the residential home they are staying at so he is to appear at juvinile court on wednesday 24/1/07

i feel sick with worry and everytime i try to talk to him i get a shower of abuse he told me tonight on the phone tp go f*** myself and to die and he sais he wants to kick my head in, :cry: him and his friend, flooded the place, started a fire, pulled doors off hinges, smashed eggs etc in the lounge, the list goes on and on
i realy am now past the point whare i can think rationaly about him anymore, he frightens me, what do i do for the best?????????????
i wish i had known kids could be so hard

I know it's hard but sometimes you have to step back and allow "somebody else" i.e. authorities to show him the error of his ways. This may well be the scare that he needs!

It will be hard but it could actually IMO be the strongest thing you could ever do for him.

He doesn't hate you mate, he's just full of anger and has probably got in with the wrong crowd BUT only he can sort it, only he can turn his life around and when he does you can be there to welcome him back and you and your family, HIS FAMILY can be the prize at the end of it.

Chin up hun, you've had it real tough lately. Massive :hug:

Teri x

 

[fifitrix]

I know it's hard but sometimes you have to step back and allow "somebody else" i.e. authorities to show him the error of his ways. This may well be the scare that he needs!

It will be hard but it could actually IMO be the strongest thing you could ever do for him.

He doesn't hate you mate, he's just full of anger and has probably got in with the wrong crowd BUT only he can sort it, only he can turn his life around and when he does you can be there to welcome him back and you and your family, HIS FAMILY can be the prize at the end of it.

Chin up hun, you've had it real tough lately. Massive :hug:

Teri x

Teri's right hun, kids are really hard going, I know this too well. Hope things get better for you xx:hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[Hope]

I don't have any words of wisdom I am afraid, all of my children are still little.

But I just wanted to say that I feel for you Honey and I wanted to send you a huge :hug: xx

 

[angie y]

Hi

I am really sorry to hear what you and you'r son is going through. I have read some of your emails and the one when he went missing.

How old is he if you don't mind me asking.

I know with a lot of children and we have a lot of them in my family, they start to change in high school. They meet different people who have different ideas about things and although you have done you'r best some times it just does not come in to it. They rebel and as a parent it is hard to deal with.

I know when I was a teenager . I did not listen to my mum, she was some one who just nagged and nagged, and I was always right and no harm would come to me.

I had been arrested for something realy serious which I could of easly been put in prison for and I was 17 at the time. I was not a wild child just met the wrong people.

I also have a son although only young I am terrified of im growing up in to some one I may not know or reconize.

You have to remember as a parent you can only do so much and although you may feel guilty at the time you have to let some one else take control of the situation. You will make your self ill in the end

It may also help you'r son

Angela:hug:

 

[loubylou]

I have worked in one of these residential homes, there isnt much the staff can do to stop them when they kick off, all we are allowed to do is phone the police and hope this will calm them down, usually it is a faze that they either grow out of or grow up and realise the wrong in what they are doing, a lot of kids can be reformed but it takes an awful long time and the patience of 10 saints.
You are not doing anything wrong, you can see his good points and his bad points, all you can do really is take what he says to you ( insults ) with a pinch of salt and say well ok that is how you feel but i want you to know i still love you and always will, try to work with the system rather than against it ( you are already working with them by seeing his faults ) and i know its easier said then done but try not to let it get to you, it is the staffs job to be stressed not yours.
I cant see that you are doing anything wrong at all, and i really feel for you, i know its hard been in this situation, chin up hun :hug:

 

[lotus blossom]

hugs for you traceyxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[FabulousFingers]

My thoughts and prayers are with you :hug: .Just remember that we are here if you need someone :Love: .

 

[VHunter]

Giant hugs for you luv:hug: :hug: :hug:


It's tough to be where you are at, and I hope that I'm never there myself with my girls.

Having said, how about tough love?
My mom tried that with me. Granted, I never broke the law...but I wasn't an easy teen to deal with.
I was told to pull up my socks and shape up or get out.
I 'got out'... and spent a while pulling up my own socks.
I soon learned to appreciate what I had,and changed my tune.

Tough love,he made his bed, he can lie in it. You'll often be tempted to wash or fix his sheets for him... but he'll have to learn to do it himself before he wakes up and appreciates you.

Good luck hun,we're all here for ya
:hug:

 

[Missy_chic]

I'm afraid I am not a mum so cant give that sort of advice however being as I am in the police myself I have seen alot and one thing I can say is Do not give up hun. he is angry now and might not understand why you say and do things but give him time and he will grow out of it and thank you. That is the satisfaction I have seeing people change their lives for the better. Hugs and kisses. XXXX

 

[IllumeGirl]

:cry: my son was arrested for criminal damage thismorning at 3.30am, i have spent the day at the police station and he has now been bailed to appear back at the station om monday 22/1/07, they have said they are not giveing him a caution as him and his friend caused so much damage to the residential home they are staying at so he is to appear at juvinile court on wednesday 24/1/07

i feel sick with worry and everytime i try to talk to him i get a shower of abuse he told me tonight on the phone tp go f*** myself and to die and he sais he wants to kick my head in, :cry: him and his friend, flooded the place, started a fire, pulled doors off hinges, smashed eggs etc in the lounge, the list goes on and on
i realy am now past the point whare i can think rationaly about him anymore, he frightens me, what do i do for the best?????????????
i wish i had known kids could be so hard

:hug: tracey,i'm with Candace and Cathie on this one. for a start they need to be made to clean up their vandalism..and experience the full extent of the law. thank god my son is only 9 but he is a follower rather than a leader..every day,every minute i am drumming into his head about making the right choices and respect etc..hopefully he doesn't fall in with the wrong crowd when hes older..as a mum you just want the best out of life for your kids but some are destined to learn a very long hard lesson until finally they grow up. personally the best thing you could do is distance yourself from him as much as possible. if either of my children ever speak to me like that one day, well, then they can consider themselves motherless. you have spent his whole life looking after him,and that's the thanks you get? look after you:hug:

 

[Peter Pan]

i hate to be the bearer of bad news sweetheart - but my son was a swine from the age of 9 and is still causing probs - it dont get any easier flower- i think you will just had to resign yourself to the fact that he wont change - mine didnt and he is now 28 - wish i could give you a more positive answer, but im just going on my own experience - sorry - we all need hugs for this crap, and we dont deserve the crap we get - its just a fact of life sweetpea:hug:

 

[Snugglepuss]

Tracey, you are going through a real tough time at the moment - take a step back and look at what he has done - then ask yourself these questions!

Is he old enough to see that he is wrong in what he has done?

Have you done everything possible to prevent this type of behaviour? if yes then you have discharged your responsibilities in this matter - what do I mean by that - did you do everything you could to show him right from wrong - and I am sure the answer will be yes!

Did the home take any actions to prevent him from being so disruptive - you and others will have discussed his behaviour with the authorities, so therefore they will have known what he was capable of.

Was he doing it for attention? does he want people to understand him?

Are you getting enough support from elsewhere?

Remember from a young age - our children are people in their own rights AND we can not always dictate which way they will turn out - we can only guide them and if THEY CHOOSE to take our advice then they may well succeed but if they don't then they may fail - if it is their choice to take the path to failure - is that your fault? IMHO no way!

We can love and worry about our children but that doesn't mean we have to like or condone their actions - our biological connections will always make us feel responsible for our children but is it our responsibility to get them out of the mire when THEY have chosen to take that treacherous path? again IMHO we can only guide and support them!

Don't beat yourself up about it and when he says awful things to you reply with something like "Even if you hate me - know that I love and care for you - I will always be here for you and you have nothing to fear from contacting me - I will leave you to make your own choices and will support you when you make the right ones but when you make the wrong ones - I will always be there to pick you up"

If he takes no notice of you - you will know you have done the best you can and you will have to let him live his own life and be responsible for his own actions - Every action has a consequence - it is just a matter of choosing the right action.

Sorry for waffling - it is a situation I understand all too well xxx

 

[Rachel Mary]

My kids are all under six so I have'nt hit these turbulent years yet. But my god I feel for you. I hope this will teach him the lesson he needs and that he realises what a great mum he has.
xxx:hug:

 

[kittenclaws]

thanks for the advice, he is 14 and he does know what he was doing, i am hopeing the court etc will be the kick up the butt he needs, i am not going to give up on him but i am going to take a step back for a few days as im hopeing this will give him time to think about what he has done

 

[Dessi]

Big HUGS to u:hug::hug::hug:! I dont have children but i think is very difficult to be parent, his age is very difficult, i think he thinks noone understand him and love him, so the only things u can do is showing him your love and supporting:hug: